Alumni News: Building a Strong Support System

The Importance of Sober Friends in Recovery and Promoting Long-term Sobriety

Building a Network of Sober Friends

One of the most important things you can do for yourself - both for promoting long-term recovery and your enjoyment of life - is to build a network of sober friends. They may or may not be people you met while at Asana Recovery. You may find kindred spirits at 12-Step meetings, religious groups or other substance-free social activities.

While it’s often helpful if your new, sober friends are working a strong program - one that you can learn from for your own recovery - it’s not actually necessary. It’s also not necessary that your friendships revolve around recovery, though again, that can certainly be helpful. But any activity with a group of sober people will offer you two essential things: social support and opportunities for fun that are free from any pressure to use.

Two words of caution:

1. Many highly-motivated, newly-sober people have the belief that they can maintain their recovery and still return to friends and social situations that revolve around substances. While we’re hesitant to say it’s not possible, it’s certainly not recommended. Staying sober is hard enough without deliberately placing ourselves in triggering situations or having temptations right at our fingertips.

2. Nothing worthwhile comes easy. While some people land in a ready-made, fun-loving group of sober friends as a result of being in recovery, it’s not guaranteed. Relationships need time and energy to be built. And, often, we need to make our own fun instead of viewing it as something that comes to us or happens to us. At a loss for where to start-? Here are some ideas:

   • Start a weekly drop-in game of a sport. Softball, volleyball and frisbee are some good options. Make sure someone is always there at the specified time and place until you get the momentum for weekly gatherings. Even without a required commitment, a dedicated group will usually start to form.

   • Start a conversation with someone new every time you go to a 12-Step meeting. Bonus points: Exchange phone numbers and try reaching out. A simple text or phone call can break the ice and start laying the foundation for a friendship.

   • Spearhead a social activity after your primary recovery meeting. A group coffee, walk in the park or restaurant meal are great ways to make new friends - and to make recovery more fun.

   • If you’re hungry for nightlife, the best option is to organize an all-sober dance party or karaoke night. Still, that’s not always an option. In that case, there’s often “safety in numbers.” If your recovery is strong, and you have a group of friends commited to recovery, it is possible to go out on the town, have fun and stay sober.

     

Humans are social creatures. We derive both a sense of what is “normal” from the people we spend time with as well as emotional support for things that are challenging for us to handle on our own. While our social life might seem less important than other priorities like work or family, building a network of sober friends is incredibly helpful for recovery.