How to Ask for Forgiveness During Recovery🙏
When we’re lost in the world of drugs, our behavior shifts completely, and we can end up hurting the people who care about us the most—often without even realizing the extent of the damage. In my case, addiction pulled me away from my family, and the person who suffered the most was my mother (as is so often the case).
After spending the week reflecting on what to share today, she kept coming to mind. So, I decided to put together a quick guide for anyone looking to make amends and rebuild relationships with loved ones or significant others.
Reflect Before You Reach Out
Be Honest and Sincere
Before you reach out, it’s important to understand the actions you’ve taken that hurt that person.
Some actions might be obvious to you, but more often than not, when you speak with them, they may reveal perspectives you hadn’t considered or call you out on behaviors you didn’t realize were harmful. This is part of the process—listening and acknowledging the full impact of your actions.
Be real with yourself: Are you reaching out because you truly care and want closure? Or do you have alternative motives? If you have other motives—such as seeking validation or wanting to ease your own guilt—it’s best not to reach out.
Conversations driven by anything other than sincerity are unlikely to end well and could do more harm than good.
When you apologize, be direct and honest. Avoid making excuses or blaming others. Use “I” statements to take full responsibility. For example:
"I know I hurt you, and I’m so sorry for the pain I caused."
A simple, heartfelt apology often goes further than a long-winded explanation.
Acknowledge Their Feelings
If the person agrees to hear you out, give them space to express themselves, even if what they say is hard to hear. Acknowledge their feelings without getting defensive, and most importantly, show empathy.
Just like when someone stands before a judge or jury, one of the first things they assess is whether the person is truly remorseful. Demonstrating genuine remorse can go a long way in helping the other person feel heard—and possibly lead to a more positive outcome.
If you are currently in treatment or have completed a Substance Use Disorder (SUD) program, let them know you are completely sober.
Remind them of the efforts you’ve made in recovery, and gently explain that drugs and alcohol affect the brain in ways that can make people act out of character. This isn’t to excuse your actions, but to provide context and show that you are committed to living differently now.
You could say:
"I know you’re still angry, and I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me."
This approach helps the person feel validated and shows that you respect their emotions, no matter how difficult they may be to hear.
Make Amends
Ask if there’s anything you can do to make it right. Making amends isn’t always about fixing the past but showing you’re committed to change. If they ask for something that’s not possible, be honest about your limitations but offer alternatives if you can.
Be Realistic
Forgiveness isn’t guaranteed. They may not be ready to forgive—or never will😔. What matters is you take responsibility and try to repair the relationship. Whether they forgive or not this step is important for you.
My Final Thoughts
Asking for forgiveness in recovery requires humility, patience and courage. It’s not about erasing the past but about showing those you hurt you’re committed to living differently going forward.
Forgiveness isn’t guaranteed but taking responsibility and making amends is a big step towards growth. If you are hesitant for whatever reason, just remember we all have a limited of time on this earth.
No matter the outcome, keep moving forward—because every effort you make helps you stay on the path to a healthier, sober life.
Trivia Time:
💡Which legendary musician wrote “Tears in Heaven” to process the grief of losing his son, using music as a tool to heal during one of the darkest moments of his life?
If you know the answer, be the first to email me at david@asanarecovery.com and receive a $25 DoorDash gift card!