Love the Life You Live: Turning Emptiness into a Life You Love
Recovery Tools from Asana Recovery, May 5, 2023
After years of living a life that revolved primarily - sometimes entirely - around drugs and alcohol, one of the challenges of early recovery is how to fill the time and space that was once occupied by our addictions.
Our days and hours were once filled with the activities of addiction: getting our substances, using our substances, paying for our substances and cleaning up the wreckage (both literal and figurative) of our addictive behavior. Often, hiding our using from loved ones or strategizing about ways to use (without getting caught).
Even when we weren’t actually physically engaged in our addiction, our thoughts were often devoted entirely to thoughts related to our disease, whether we were fantasizing about the next time we would use or dwelling on all the “shameful” things we had done during our last bender.
I wanted to be sober so why do I feel…empty?
One of the things some people notice in early recovery is a sense of emptiness. In this sense “emptiness” refers only to the absence of something that was previously there, not the feeling of sadness often equated with emptiness.
Our lives feel empty for the simple reason that the thing that took up so much time, money, resources and mental energy - our addiction - has been removed.
Emptiness is not a bad thing, particularly when the void is caused by the removal of a devastating affliction. However, emptiness does not usually feel pleasant. It can feel awkward, uncomfortable and unfamiliar. It can feel like boredom. It can feel disconcertingly close to sadness, loneliness or loss.
What do we do about “emptiness” in recovery?
The first step is to name it for what it is: emptiness, absence, something removed. Don’t add emotional labels unless you’re already feeling them inside you. Maybe you feel a sense of loss because what you thought of as your best friend (your substance) is now out of reach. Maybe you feel directionless without a compulsion driving your thoughts and actions. Identify those things without judgment.
Next step: find ways to fill the empty space!
Because we are all unique individuals, there’s no “right” way to do this. It depends on our situation and interests. And, some of us, have been so absorbed in our addictions, we don’t even know what our interests are!
The idea is to go on a personal journey to discover what interests you now that you are unchained from addiction! Here are some ideas:
Recovery! The first and most natural response. Dive into 12-step activities and recovery work. Build supportive relationships with others in recovery.
Your higher power. 12-step work relies on the dependence on a power greater than yourself, however you define it. You may turn to organized religion, your own concept of god or any activities that make you feel spiritually supported such as meditation, yoga or prayer.
Helping others. This is actually a time-tested way of coping with depression and life stresses such as the death of a loved one. Whether you’re helping others in recovery or volunteering for a local organization, helping others gets us “out of our own heads” and makes us more grateful for the good things in our lives. Receiving appreciation and praise also feel good, though that’s not the point of the activity.
Get creative. It’s the perfect time to try out new forms of creative expression. Join a local theater group, learn to paint or take a music class. You’ve already been through one of the scariest experiences possible (getting sober), so you may find it’s less scary to try something new.
Social sports. Fitness is one of the best stress-busting, mood-boosting activities you can do. And, when you combine it with social interaction, it’s even better! Steer clear of sports that revolve around a drinking culture (unless you’re doing it with a sober group) and aim for group fitness classes and non-competitive sports like volleyball, softball or Ultimate Frisbee.
Reconnect with your priorities. Remember those things you almost lost (or maybe did lose) because of your addiction? Recovery gives you a chance to try again. Whether it’s mending relationships, focusing on your aborted career goals or launching on a new goal that seemed out of reach when you were using, you can reconnect and recommit to your priorites. Live the life you love. And love the life you live.
And, no matter what, celebrate your recovery and the emptiness that makes space for something new!
Want to share your ideas and experiences? Put them in the comments.