Recovery Protects Us from Using – Not from Life
Life still happens. But recovery gives us the tools to deal with difficulties.
When you were using, your life was probably some version of a trainwreck. Legal problems, relationship problems, financial problems. For most people with Substance Use Disorder, misfortunes seem woven into the fabric of our lives as much as our substance use, whether or not we can find a direct connection between the two things.
It stands to reason, then, that when we get into recovery, our fortune will reverse and we’ll be showered with blessings. If using equals adversity, then recovery should equal rewards. Simple “cause and effect.” Makes sense, right?
While there is a certain logic to this reasoning – that sometimes is even confirmed by some individuals’ experience – it’s certainly not the rule.
After all, good things sometimes happened to us when we were making bad choices. And bad things sometimes happen despite all the best actions and intentions in the world. While most people in recovery will be lured in by this kind of charmed notion of sober life at some point during their recovery, most people with long-term abstinence recognize the fallacy of this thinking. Some even recognize it for what it is: a recipe for relapse.
If you find yourself enticed by this fantasy, don’t be embarrassed. It’s both natural and common. So, if it’s so common, what’s underneath this illusion?
The Tools to Cope with Misfortune
When we’re feeling hopeful and boundless, buoyed by the optimism of early recovery, it can be easy to imagine that nothing will ever bring us down. Sometimes, this is called the “pink cloud” or the “rose-colored glasses” of recovery, and it’s a valuable and valid sensation. After the abject misery of an existence consumed by addiction, recovery offers us very real freedom from bondage. That can feel really good, and there’s no reason to try to shut it down.
But to believe that we will somehow be spared struggles or challenges or even tragedies because we’re in recovery is a misconception that can lead to relapse. If we follow that reasoning to what lies underneath it, what we’re really saying to ourselves is one of two relapse-promoting things: 1) “I will stay sober as long as I receive rewards. If I’m not getting rewarded at this specific point, I no longer have to uphold my side of the deal (staying sober).” Or 2) “I only have the ability to stay sober if life is good. I can’t handle X, Y or Z tragedy (fill in the blank) without using.”
But, truly, there is nothing about recovery that is conditional. Just like we used in good times and bad, we can stay abstinent whether life is easy or hard (or, most commonly, somewhere in between). And the tools that keep us sober when things are good do not stop working when things are bad. In all situations, the tools are only useful if we pick them up and put them to use.
Life still happens, whether we’re in recovery or not. The difference is that, in recovery, we have tools to deal with life’s challenges. We have support from friends in recovery. We have a sense of confidence in our ability to face difficulties: after all, we have already been through the hell of addiction and managed to drag ourselves out. Additionally, many of us have found a source of spiritual strength as part of our recovery journey.
Where’s My Prize?
Most of us were taught as children - whether by our parents, school or religion - that hard work is important. To some degree or another, having a “good work ethic” was instilled or enforced in most of us. Hard work is important, we’re taught, not just if the parent/coach/teacher is watching, but because “hard work pays off.” The lesson is simple: If you work hard, you’ll be rewarded.
But recovery is not much like anything else in our life experiences. There’s no finish line for recovery. There’s no report card, no paycheck, no playoff game. No matter how hard you work at your recovery (and we all know recovery is hard work), you will probably never get a trophy.
When we make recovery a priority, we have to make a shift in thinking. For some of us, this comes about naturally as a result of spiritual growth and self-examination. However, some of us have to make a conscious decision to let go of our expectations and attachment to outcomes. We also have to change our definitions for words like “success” and “failure.”
We work hard because it keeps us sober, not because it will pay off with blessings or we’ll win some kind of prize. We do the right thing – not because some parent or coach or boss will praise us – but simply because it is the right thing. Our very survival now depends on working hard and doing the next right thing.
Recovery is the prize. The life we have now – with all its heartbreaks and miracles – is the payoff.
The stark truth is that we will never be free from life’s difficulties. But, no matter what life throws at us, we can still be free from the compulsion to use.
What questions, difficulties and discoveries are coming up for you on your journey? Share them in the comments. Or contact us so we can bring them up in our newsletter. Chances are, you aren’t the only person with similar issues!