The Only Step You Need to "Do Perfect"
Recovery Tools from Asana Recovery, May 31, 2023
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable. - Step One, Alcoholics Anonymous
Step One is the Foundation for All the Other Steps
You may have heard in 12-step meetings “The only step we need to do perfectly is Step One.”
It’s true. 12-step programs give us tools for finding relief from our addictions and tools for living - and there is no requirement to “work a perfect program.” But, while there’s no such thing as “perfect,” it’s also true that we really need to have Step One nailed, as close to “perfect” as we can get. Otherwise, we won’t be able to move on with the rest of the steps or stay sober. So, how do we know if we’ve really done Step One to the best of our ability?
Check for Reservations
No, we’re not talking about your dinner reservations or airplane reservations! According to the dictionary, this is the definition for ‘reservation’:
In relation to working the 12 steps, a ‘reservation’ is usually some part of yourself or your thinking that keeps you from committing 100% to recovery. It may be that you aren’t fully convinced you’re an alcoholic or an addict. Or, maybe you know you’re addicted to a substance but don’t believe the addiction is making your life unmanageable.
Possibly, you’re fully convinced that you’re addicted and recognize that your life is unmanageable, but your reservations take the form of a “qualification.” This means that you have some loophole in your commitment to staying sober. Examples of these types of reservations include:
“I’ll stay sober as long as it keeps my wife from leaving me.” or
“I can stay sober as long as things in my life are good.” or
“I could never survive a certain experience (like the death of a loved one) without drinking.”
If you look at what is unsaid in these types of statements, you’d hear: “I’m willing to give up my recovery if…[my marriage doesn’t last, life is hard, someone I care about dies, etc.]”
To really “get Step One perfect,” we have to seek out any lurking reservations about our disease or our commitment to staying sober. Sometimes our reservations are obvious to us. But, often, we don’t even realize we’re harboring them. We need to really examine our thinking, our motivations, the narratives inside our heads. Do we have a secret “if” somewhere in our minds that would give us permission to drink or use again?
Reservations Do NOT Equal Relapse
It’s pretty rare for someone to be so committed to recovery they have no reservations at all, whether spoken or unspoken. Humans can have many thoughts and feelings at the same time, sometimes even conflicting thoughts and feelings. That’s ok. Just because you have a reservation or two does not automatically mean that you’re not clear on Step One. Having reservations does not mean you’ll relapse.
By identifying our reservations, we can address them. We can pray for them to be removed. We can talk to others about them. We can use tools - like going to meetings or writing down our inventory - when those fearful situations arise. When we identify our reservations, we know what’s working against us.
But, there are two reservations that absolutely need to be demolished if we want to move forward with the other steps (and stay sober). You can probably guess what they are: reservations related to Step One!
If you want to really get Step One, you need to be clear on two things:
Do I admit I have the disease of addiction (so I can’t control how I use drugs and alcohol)?
Is my life unmanageable because of my addiction(s)?
If you can answer “yes” to both those questions, you’ve done Step One “perfectly.” Congratulations! You can now move on to Step Two and a journey of recovery that has no limits!
Questions? Comments? Personal experiences? Tell us how you got Step One or dealt with reservations!